I Wouldn't Trade This For The World
by TroubletoneMe
Summary: What if Brittany had graduated along side Santana? What if she also got into Louisville and was gonna be a cheerleader with Santana? Read and find out! Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

Okay, so like, Louisville's gonna be pretty cool I guess. I mean, it'll be hot in Kentucky so hopefully I won't have to shovel snow like I do at home. And it'll be nice to get away from Lima so I don't have to deal with their dumbasses every time I walk out the door. And it might be pretty fucking nice to not live with my mother. Don't get me wrong, I love the woman to death, but her rants about my dental hygiene and her need to know the details of me and Britts' relationship is something I really won't miss.

You can't even blame me. Tell me you wouldn't feel the same way if _your_ mother were asking you about the intricacies of lesbian sex. Nu-uh, no thank you. It's nice that you care enough to ask, but Google that shit yourself, Maribel.

Anyway, it's three in the morning and I'm on the Louisville accepted students website making sure our schedules are correct and that all the professors I've chosen for us are at least a three on "Rate My Professor". We can't be too careful. I want this to be perfect for you.

Speaking of you, I'm feeling a lithe pair of arms wrap around my waist and a sturdy pair of thighs sliding around my own to bracket me on my computer chair. You seem to have sidled up behind me and the warmth that spreads through my body doesn't go unnoticed.

"What are you doing?"

I wish you didn't catch me doing this. It's so embarrassing when you catch me being this neurotic. Like, I just want you to think I do this stuff once and then never think about it again and I automatically have it under control.

"Checking up on our schedules and professors. Just making sure everything's good to go."

I let out a strained sigh hoping you didn't notice the nerves battling my voice for control. When really, the sigh I just released is gonna give my away anyway so fuck it.

Your chin comes to rest on my shoulder and you squeeze me once to let me know you understand my anal retentiveness. How are you so understanding? How do you still look at me and see someone to love after all of the flaws I've let out around you? It's so embarrassing.

"You could've done this tomorrow and let me help. It would've taken less time."

You're so reassuring and patient. Why am I embarrassed? I don't make any sense. You're the only thing that makes sense.

"Yeah, I know. I just don't want you to worry about this kinda stuff when I can handle it for the both of us."

I feel your ribcage expand on my back as you take a deep, calming breath that seems to calm me as well. You're getting ready to say something. Please don't be mad at me.

"I can handle it too, you know? I'm going to Louisville, too. With you."

You kiss the side of my neck that's closest to your mouth and linger there for a couple of very long seconds. I close my eyes and revel in the feel of your cool lips on my burning embarrassed skin.

You continue.

"And I want you to think of me as an equal now. Not some scared little girl in high school that needed your protection from mean bullies. I'm trying to grow up, too."

That hurts. That's how you think I think of you? Oh baby, you know I don't protect you out of need. I protect you out of want. I want you to be safe. I want you to be sheltered from negativity. I want you to be free from the burden of self-doubt.

Your words hit something deep inside of me and they're a catalyst for me to turn in the chair and prop your thighs on top of mine as my arms wrap around your neck. You're basically sitting in my lap now and I love the feeling of you trusting me enough to put all of your weight onto me.

"I know you're growing up, Britt. I know. And you know I believe that you can protect yourself and defend yourself and do tons of other shit yourself. But, some stuff I just like to be left in charge of. I want to take care of some details of your life. It makes me feel important."

I shrug like I have no other words to explain myself with, and I don't. But your eyes are soft now and I can see a trace of pity. Like you pity my instincts of protection and responsibility. After all, they are traits to be pitied when I can't seem to break free from their heaviness in my chest. But when I look again, I see hurt. Not hurt you're experiencing because I made you feel shitty about yourself, but hurt for me; you hurt for my burdens in this relationship and you hurt for the fact that I can never relax. And you're one hundred percent right.

I hate my conscience. I hate how it makes me tense at any mention of "future" and all the things I can't control and I can't take care of or prevent. I hate how it turns on me and whispers in my ear that I'm never going to be good enough for you and that you'll leave eventually. When you get sick of me, you'll leave.

But at the same time, that's one of the many reasons I'm in love with you. You balance out my conscience, if that makes sense. You encourage me and you believe in me and you respect me. I can't ask for more than that. Not now anyway.

"Okay. I get it."

How? How do you just get it?

"But come back to bed soon. I don't need a cranky wanky Santana in the morning. We gots movin' to do."

You're confident smile is infectious and I quickly return it.

"Yeah, no worries. I'm back in five. Ten tops."

That's a lie and you know it. I'll be up 'til six making sure every single detail of our journey down to Kentucky is planned and perfect. But you get it, so you don't argue. You just humor me like you always have.

"Sounds good."

You lean in and give me a kiss that's so tender and feather light that I feel like it's almost all a delusional, sleep-deprived hallucination. But you pull away, smirk and wink, and I know it's real. That's too cute to be a malfunction of brain chemistry.

When you're back in bed and rolled away from my computer screen, I turn back towards the laptop and continue down my checklist of precautions. I can't be too careful when the cargo in my passenger seat is worth more than any goddamn possession or person that ever existed. My baby's no joke.


	2. Chapter 2

Please, please don't wake up, Britt! I know this bangin' breakfast made by your even more bangin' girlfriend smells delicious but I really, really want to surprise you. I never actually ended up getting to sleep, so I figured I would surprise you with breakfast in bed. It's the least I could do since I lied about coming back to cuddle with you last night.

But honestly, who am I kidding? You sleep like a damn rock. You don't even wake up during thunderstorms. Who does that? I wake up from like, Lord T snoring in the corner of your room on Friday nights.

I never really sleep. I think I just take prolonged naps. I've kept this from you pretty well. I don't think you know how bad my sleeping habits have become. Yeah, you know I have trouble getting to sleep but you don't know that I sometimes wait 'til you're asleep and step outside to smoke a joint for some help. It calms me. It helps me fall asleep and there's no harm in that, right?

I know you wouldn't judge me for it. You smoke at parties once in a while if Puck or Sam offers us some. Hell, you might actually want to join me once in a while. That could be fun. We could sneak out on my roof outside my window and just hang and fall asleep high together.

Wait, no, you can't know about that. That has to be something I do on my own. What was I thinking? Anyway, your breakfast is ready my dahling. Banana pancakes and a cup of strawberries with some granulated sugar on top. Plus a cup of milk and sugar with some coffee mixed in ya goof.

I push open my bedroom door with my butt because I have this fuckin' tray in my hands and find you still completely knocked out. You haven't noticed my absence, obviously, since you're spread out like a starfish on your stomach with the sheets and blankets in a state of disarray. Your blonde hair acts as a curtain over your face. I can't even see your cute little sleep expression of utter relaxation. I envy that about you, amongst other things. You truly relax when you're asleep. You take advantage of a dream state and stay there as long as you can. I love it.

I've walked over to my desk and set down the tray so I can come and wake you up with no obstacle in my way. I slowly crawl onto the bed and hover over you with my hands under your armpits and my knees next to your hips. I gently lower myself onto your back and place my arms on top of yours so we match. I bring my lips next to your ear that's showing and singsong whisper to you.

"Britt Britt. Time to wake up."

No response.

"Baby, wake up. I made you pancakes."

Still no response. What the fuck, Britt?

It's time to take drastic measures. I lift my arms off of yours and slowly bring my hands up under your chest and gently grasp your breasts. Ah-ha.

"San?"

Only I understand that mumble.

"Oh so now you wake up."

"Huh?"

"Nothing. Just that you answer to sex and sex only. I mean I am pretty irresistible. I can't say I blame you."

"What?"

"Oh my god. Wake up. I made your sweet ass breakfast."

I get off of you at this point and bring the tray over to the bed as you turn over and push your hair out of your face. You sit up at the sight of the tray and smooth down the blankets still on your lap. A smile creeps across your face as you recognize the meal in front of you.

"Mmmmm. My favorite."

"Hell yeah, your favorite."

I set the tray down on your lap and cuddle up to you on your left side.

"Thanks, baby."

You turn to me and give me a sweet grateful kiss. You don't even have bad breath. You're fucking perfect, Britt.

"Anytime. I hope it's good."

You start to dig in like you haven't had a meal in three decades and it takes you about five minutes to finish the entire thing.

"Wow. I'm not even mad. That's amazing."

A puzzled look crosses your face as you try to remember where that quote is from.

"I don't know."

"Anchorman, Britt! We watched it last night!"

"Oh yeah, that was funny. Will Ferrell looks like a wooly mammoth."

You're so right. I laugh at your comparison because now I'll never be able to watch a Will Ferrell movie the same again.

As I try to erase that image from my brain, you put the tray down on my floor and turn to lie on top of me. My laughing subsides pretty quickly as arousal takes over. You bring your hand up to my cheek and pierce my fuckin' soul with those clear blue diamonds you call eyes.

"Hi."

I have to catch my breath.

"Hi."

"Breakfast was delicious. Perfect way to start today."

"I'm glad you enjoyed it."

You nod and smile into a slow, full kiss. We make out for a couple minutes and start to rock into each other subtly. God, you turn me into a horny 14 year-old boy that just hit puberty and got his first boner ten minutes ago.

"Is your mom home?"

I shake my head. I don't even know if I'm right but I couldn't give two shits right now.

You continue kissing me after you've gotten the go ahead. I love when you're on top. When we're having sex is the only time I can fully let go. It's weird. You'd think that I would feel the most vulnerable at this time, but no. I feel protected and loved and respected and fucking invincible.

Your hand slowly creeps up under my Cheerios t-shirt and cups my breast. I let out a hum into your mouth as you massage and deepen our kiss at the same time. My hands come to rest at the small of your back and hold you. You slowly change positions so that you're cradled in between my legs and both of your hands are now under my shirt.

I start to squirm and that's your sign that you should probably take off my shirt now; so you do. When my shirt's been discarded somewhere on the floor you pause and look down at me. You admire my bare chest and then look back into my eyes with pure excitement and joy. You're so happy I'm finally accepting of myself enough to let us make love and not just use each other to get our rocks off.

I give you a shy smile as you sit up and take your own shirt off and throw it somewhere on the floor to join mine. I look up at you in awe.

"God, you're perfect."

You giggle and roll your eyes as you come back down on top of me. We start to make out again as we simultaneously massage each other. We're both starting to pant and thrust and rock and sweat and ugh, this is heaven.

"Baby, take your shorts off."

You nod and sit up again. Getting off the bed you shimmy out of your sleep shorts.

No underwear. Score.

Then you lean over and slowly slide my black boy-shorts off of me. Your eyes light up.

"No underwear. Score."

I laugh as you pounce back on top of me and when your bare skin touches mine we both let out a content sigh. I kiss you desperately like your mouth is a hidden spring I've just come across in the desert.

"You feel so good, Britt."

"Mmmm, you too."

You moan those words out as you drag your hand down my sternum and onto my stomach. You hesitate right below my belly button and attach your mouth to my neck. You tickle me gently and I know you can feel my stomach muscles tensing at the barely there touch. You bite my earlobe and moan into my ear and I can't take it anymore.

"Britt, please."

You giggle again and slide your hand all the way down. Holy shit this never gets old.

You start to massage me and I swear I've died and gone to New York City. I'm literally dripping as you start to draw circles around my clit. And then you're pushing two fingers inside of me and I'm crying out in pleasure and basically seeing stars.

You bring your mouth back to mine and mumble against my lips.

"I love you so much."

That's all it takes. That phrase and I'm tumbling over the edge. Shit, I have no stamina in the morning.

The pulsing around your fingers slows and you slowly pull out and wipe me on my sheets. My sheets are black, Britt. I tell you not to do that every single time. And I'm about to say something when you stop me with another kiss. You pull back.

"Sorry. I always forget. I'll wash them at my house. No worries."

I know you forgot. I'm sorry.

"It's okay you don't have to. It's not like my mom doesn't know we get our freak on now. I have to get over my weird insecurities sooner or later."

I stretch up to kiss you again and try to flip us over so I can return the favor but you don't let me!

"I'm good. This was all about you this morning, babe."

"What? Why?!"

Come on, Britt! I wantsta get my mack on!

"I don't know, you're stressed out. I figured this would put you to sleep."

"You did kinda wear me out. That was really intense for some reason."

"Yeah 'cause I'm the hottest piece in this bedroom and you know it."

I laugh at your imitation of me and I stretch up to give you another kiss. I guess I could use a nap.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah."

I turn on my side and wrap your arm around me so that I'm holding it against my heart.

"I'll sleep if you cuddle."

"Oh, yes. Cuddling is my favorite activity. I'm the cuddle monster. The cookie monster is my brother."

"Wow. Cuddling and cookies? I hit the fuckin' jackpot. Can you get any cuter?"

You snuggle into me and I back my hips up so they fit perfectly.

"Nope."

You switch into your robot voice.

"Cuteness overload has been reached. Initiate code red."

"Code red? What's code red?!"

I act all panicked to play along with your craziness and you giggle and give up the charade.

"I don't know, Santana. Go to sleep. I love you. I'll wake you up in a couple hours."

"Love you, too, Britt."

You kiss my cheek and then lay back down.

I can't wait to spend every morning like this with you.

* * *

**Thanks to everyone that's reading! I appreciate the follows, favorites and reviews so much.**

**Hit me up on tumblr at troubletoneme . tumblr . com!**

**Love you all!**


	3. Chapter 3

We're in my, as Maribel calls it, "practical" Honda Accord, sitting in the Fabray driveway awaiting the arrival of Princess Quinn. This girl takes longer to get ready than literally anyone I know. She doesn't even have long hair anymore. What the fuck takes so long?!

I really can't deal. I beep the horn and startle you from your half awoken state. Sorry. You look adorable today. Some cut off jean shorts and the three-quarter sleeved baseball shirt that I got you at the Reds game this summer. Your black Ray-Bans almost fly off your face. Obviously I'm blaming this on Q. I yell out the window to get her ass moving.

"LET'S GO, FABRAY. WE DON'T HAVE ALL FUCKING DAY."

"Santana. Stop yelling. It's too early."

"Britt, it's eleven o'clock. You've been up since eight."

"If it's before noon, it's too early."

"Whatever you say…"

Quinn is _finally_ coming down her front walk way looking like she actually didn't get ready at all.

"Um, Fabray?"

She hops in the back seat like she's done nothing wrong.

"Yes?"

"We've been out here for 15 minutes."

"Okay?"

"You scared Britt and almost broke her glasses. Apologize."

You giggle next to me as a back out of the driveway. You love it when I blame Quinn for everything.

"What are you talking about? I was inside. You're the one beeping the horn like a mad woman at eleven a.m. You know, my neighbors always complain to my mom every time you come to pick me up. It's like adults are just programmed to hate you."

"It's a gift."

We all laugh a little after that. Going back and forth with Quinn might be one of my all time favorite activities. You're not great at sarcasm and you always say that Quinn and me should be on Saturday Night Live 'cause we're so quick with our comebacks. That'd be something, huh? Me and Fabray on SNL. Classic.

"I'm so happy you're coming, Quinn!"

You fucking love Quinn Fabray.

"I'm pretty happy too, Britt. I mean, who better to send my two lesbian lovebirds off than the girl that had to shove cotton in her ears every Friday night from 9th to 11th grade?"

I scoff at your exaggeration.

"Oh, please. We were _not_ that bad.

The car goes silent. I lean over the console and whisper to you.

"Were we really that bad?"

You suck your lips into your mouth trying to conceal a smile and nod.

"Well. In that case, I hope you got something out of that, Q."

"What could I have possibly gotten out of that besides noises I will never be able to erase from my memory?"

"For one, you're now fully equipped for your future lady endeavors with the one and only Rachel Berry."

You die laughing. God, I love that sound.

"_Ew_, Santana. Just, ew."

We all end up laughing again and you decide it's time for some Kelly Clarkson. But then you're turning the music down, pushing your sunglasses up so they sit on your head taking your bangs with them, and yelling for us to listen.

"WE'RE GOING TO COLLEGE!"

We all cheer as you turn the music back up and reach for my hand on the gearshift. I lean to my right and poke my chin out and you read the sign to kiss my cheek. This is gonna be fucking awesome.

* * *

So, since we're on the cheerleading squad at Louisville, we got put in the cheerleader house. There's one for us, the baseball team, the basketball team, the softball team, etc. I know you're very excited about this because of all the bonding. But I don't know. These girls don't know us. What if they saw the commercial or heard rumors and they wanna lynch me or something?

I guess it doesn't matter now 'cause we're walking up the house's front walk way with a couple boxes in hand for each of us and there's no going back. The house just looks like a sorority house would. I hope this isn't like a sorority. Shit's wack.

You burst up the stairs like you own the place as me and Q bring up the rear. I hesitate a little before going in and I can see Quinn stop too.

"Santana."

"Yes, Quinn."

"I know you're worried that these bitches are going to hate you and that they won't accept you. But listen. It's college. You're not in Lima anymore. Be yourself. No one can disrespect you for that."

You're right. I will not be disrespected.

"Plus, I bet whoever's here is already head over heels for Brittany and you know she's not letting anyone push you around."

Right again. Jesus, why are all my friends so damn smart?

"Okay, enough with the feelings. I'm gonna be sick."

I push through the door to find a bathroom to my left, a staircase to my front, and a TV room to my right. Right should be my best option. The house is pretty awesome. Nicely decorated with nothing that can be destroyed easily. The walls and decorations are colored with cool blues, greens and grays. It's actually very relaxing if I do say so myself.

"Santana!"

Quinn and I set our boxes on the couch in the TV room as I hear your voice come through the kitchen on the other side. We walk in and you're standing at an island across from a tall, leggy brunette, a very short blonde with a pixie cut, a gorgeous girl with jet black hair and a Hispanic girl that's a little on the chubby side. Hey, at least I'm the hottest Latina in this bitch.

"Santana, Quinn. Meet Megan, Harley, Jen and Penny."

You introduce them in the order that I saw them.

"Guys, this is my girlfriend Santana and our best friend Quinn."

They all wave nicely and seem genuinely happy to meet us.

Megan steps up around the island to shake our hands.

"Now, I know Santana. I saw your picture on our roster. But Quinn here…"

"Oh, I'm just helping them move in. Plus they're driving me to the airport tomorrow."

Megan nods and I can already tell she's got an authoritative nature about her.

"Who are you?"

Sorry. I know I shouldn't blurt like that but sometimes I get too protective of my girls. I don't want you guys bossed around by anyone but me.

"Shit, sorry. I'm your captain slash coach. I'm a senior."

"Yeah. She was in our welcome packet, remember?"

Nope.

"Oh my God, yes. Can't believe I forgot."

"No worries. I know moving in is stressful and everything but you'll learn everyone's names by the end of the weekend."

I probably won't but that's not your fault, Megan.

You come right up beside me and take my hand in yours. Like you're making an announcement that none of these girls is gon' be gettin' any of this. I love it.

An awkward silence envelopes the room and Quinn breaks it. Naturally.

"So, where are you guys from?"

Megan starts.

"I'm from Long Island."

No way. That's like, right next to Manhattan. Everyone always assumes Long Island is the same thing as Manhattan but it's not. I did my research.

Harley speaks up.

"I'm from Michigan and I'm a sophomore."

"Jambo."

Everyone laughs at your Mean Girls reference. I love you.

"I'm from San Diego. Also a freshman."

Okay, chica.

"I'm from Boston. I'm a sophomore, too."

Okay Jen. I like your accent. Oh, where are we from?

"Cool. We're all from Lima, Ohio. It sucks."

Everyone laughs a little accept for Jen. She just smirks and nods her head.

"We're gonna head up to our room. See you guys soon!"

Perfect timing, Britt. Megan yells after us.

"Don't get lost!"

* * *

We end up pushing our beds together and decorate and unpack pretty easily. I'd say it's been about 3 hours tops. A couple of other girls came in and introduced themselves. There was Laurie from Louisville (yikes), there was Deb from Miami, there was Lauren from Memphis who plays the guitar and some other girl from Kansas that was boring as fuck.

Megan calls us down for a team meeting in the TV room. Quinn stays in the room but you grab my hand and walk me downstairs. I sit on your lap and we don't get one questioning look. This is going to be a lot better than I thought.

"Alright Card's give yourselves a round of applause!"

Megan is very enthusiastic.

"I hope everyone's move in went okay and that everyone's going around and meeting your teammates."

I like your accent too, Megan. I like it a lot.

"I want to congratulate you all on making our 2011-2012 cheerleading squad! It was a tough process choosing the right girls for the job. But I'm 100% confident we chose right."

After Megan's welcome speech, we did some icebreakers. Naturally everyone loved your quirky answers. And surprisingly they got your jokes. Thank God we're not still dealing with idiot Lima fucktards.

I can't even complain about the icebreakers. They were pretty informative. For example, Megan used to model (hot), Deb wants to be a cop when she gets out of college and Jen's a writer. These girls are kick ass. I'm loving it.

"Oh, and one more thing before I let you go. Tomorrow night is our annual 'Friday Before First Day Of Classes' kegger!"

What?! You're throwing a kegger?! Megan, stop it or we might just become best friends.

"And yes, I said kegger. Just because I'm your captain slash coach doesn't mean I don't like to have fun!"

You look at me with so much excitement it hurts.

"This is going to be AMAZING!"

You hug me, pull back, kiss me on the cheek and run off to talk to our new teammates. Our new friends. You're right. This is going to be amazing.

* * *

**Hey everyone! Hope you enjoyed this chapter!**

**I think they're gonna start getting longer now since these first three were more set up and background so get ready!**

**Remember to keep reviewing, favoriting, following and to hit me up on tumblr at Troubletoneme . tumblr . com.**

**Love you all!**


	4. Chapter 4

We're at the airport dropping Quinn off so she can go get her Yale on and I don't think I've ever been more proud of her. Look at her, Britt. She's so excited and anxious (because Quinn Fabray doesn't get nervous) and genuinely happy to get her future started. She's getting to do what she does best: perform. I'm so happy for her. I want nothing but good things to happen to Quinn. She really deserves all the success coming her way and I'm not totally convinced she knows that.

Sometimes Quinn can be an even bigger masochist than I am and that's saying something. There were times last year when I got the feeling that she thought she _deserved _to be in that wheelchair. Or when she tried to get Beth back just so she could _finally_ get something right. She's always done it right, though. Always. Maybe she's veered from the right path once or twice, but she is not wrong. She's Quinn. She always tells me to be myself, so why not follow her own advice?

While I watch you maul Q with hugs and teary eyes, I realize how lucky I've been lately. I managed to not completely fuck up the only other semi-stable relationship I had in high school besides you. Plus we've gotten even closer for it. Quinn is my best friend. Of course you're my best friend, girlfriend, the love of my life and everything in between. But when we're married with two little munchkins running around and I'm pissed off at you for not doing the dishes when I asked you to because of some excuse I won't even be able to argue with, I'm going to call Quinn. She's my homegirl. You can't beat that. I can't believe that scenario just crossed my mind. Scary.

Okay, time to get out of your own head, Lopez. Gotta go say goodbye.

"Get over here, Santana."

You have that goofy "I'm so proud of you" grin on your face as I walk up to Quinn and throw my arms around her neck for a hug.

"I'm gonna miss you, Q."

"Yeah, I'm gonna miss you too."

We stand there in a pretty tight hug as I try not to cry. Why is saying goodbye so hard? I'll see you at Thanksgiving. It's like, three months away.

A flight is announced on the intercom system and you pull out of our hug.

"That's me. I better get going."

Quinn gives a loud sigh and you wrap your right hand around my waist. When I feel you've got a sturdy hold on me, I lean back a little and put my left arm around your shoulders and lay my head down on the one closest to me. Quinn's looking at us weird. What's her problem?

"What, Fabray? Stop looking at us like that."

"Sorry. I'm just really proud of you guys."

I'm confused. What'd we do?

"Thanks, Quinn. It means a lot. We're proud of you, too."

Oh, I get it. Good thing you know people as well as you do. You saved me again. As always.

"I'll see you guys at Thanksgiving, okay?"

"Okay! Can't wait! We'll save you some turkey!"

Quinn turns away and starts heading towards her gate. I should grow some balls. Shit.

"Hey, Fabray?"

She turns around with a smirk on her face that turns into an impatient waiting face when I don't immediately continue. I walk a couple of paces out of your embrace and stand in front of Quinn. Deep breath, Lopez.

"I love you, Q. You're my best friend. Thank you for believing in me."

Shit. I'm crying. Only you Fabray. Only you.

Shit. Now you're crying. God, we're such pussies.

"I love you too, Santana."

She pulls me into another quick hug, pulls back and gestures with a flick of her wrist that I should go.

"Take care of her for me okay, Britt?"

You take my hand in yours and pull it up to your mouth for a kiss.

"With all my heart."

Quinn smiles and walks away as we turn and head back to the car.

I take a deep breath and squeeze your hand a little bit and you seem to sense my sadness now that Quinn's gone.

"I'm so proud of you."

I look back up to you and I know exactly what you mean.

"Thanks."

I stretch to give you a chaste kiss and you pull away with a mega-watt smile.

"Let's go party with our new friends!"

You pump a fist in the air and I laugh at your ability to lighten the air so quickly.

* * *

Somehow our room has become the popular room to get ready in. I'm sitting behind you straightening your hair in the mirror on the floor as Megan is trying on my heels next to the closet, Lauren is playing some tune on her guitar on our beds, Harley keeps trying on all these different skirts and asking us if we like them and Jen is sitting next to me doing her makeup in the mirror above your head. Megan seriously loves my heels. We do have kind of the same style so I guess it makes sense.

"I don't think you understand how amazing it is that we have the same shoe size, Santana.

"I don't even understand how. You're like, 4 inches taller than me."

"Don't question it. Just accept it and move on."

Megan's sense of humor is so weird. I love it.

"Lauren, what song is that?"

You love the guitar. You've always tried to get me to take lessons but that's too annoying. I'd rather just be good at singing and not have to worry about playing a damn instrument. My voice is my instrument, babe.

"No song. Just a melody I wrote."

"Wow. That's awesome. You know, Santana can sing."

You elbow my stomach and I slap your arm.

"Thanks, Britt."

I wish they would've just found out on their own because now I'm on the spot and they're gonna ask me to sing something. Great.

Jen looks at me like she doesn't believe I can actually sing. Oh now I'm definitely singing something.

"_You_can sing?"

What's _that_ attitude?

"Uh, yeah, Jenny From The Block. I _can_ sing. You got a problem with that?"

The girls laugh at my joke. They don't even know. I got nicknames for days.

"Nope. No problem. I just don't believe you."

You murmur "uh, oh" next to me as I drop the flatiron on the carpet. You quickly turn it off because you know I've burnt my own carpet at home enough times for everyone in this house.

"Hey, Lauren. Play "Wild One" by Flo-rida and Sia. Britt, can you rap?"

You give me that proud look again as I stand up and put my hands on my hips. You stand up next to me and match my stance.

"Sure thing, babe."

"'Wild One'? Is that the one that goes…"

And Lauren starts playing the basic chords that sound like the song. I nod and give it a couple more chords before I chime in with the chorus. We do the entire song and everyone claps and cheers as we finish. You're jumping up and down clapping as I look at Jen with a smug face. Ha. Told ya.

"Okay, okay. I believe you. You can sing."

She looks impressed. Like I'm living up to her "standards". Why do I feel like she's comparing me to someone? It's weird.

"Holy shit, Santana. You can saaaaaang!"

Lauren's awesome.

"And um, _you_can play! We should like, do duets or something."

"I would be honored!"

I give her a high five and we all continue getting ready. I sit back down behind you to finish your hair when you lean back into me. I get that you want to just be held for a second so I wrap my arms around your waist.

"Great rapping, Britt. That was fun."

"Yeah you sounded amazing. I missed that sexy voice of yours. It kinda turned me on."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah. Really."

You smirk and sit back up signaling me to keep going. Oh you're gonna get it tonight Ms. Pierce.

* * *

It's about 10:30 and our house is bumpin'. It's our squad and some sorority girls and a bunch of guys from the football, baseball and basketball teams. They're meatheads but some of them are pretty cool.

There's alcohol everywhere and the keg is on the porch out back. It's not out of control, which is great. I hate when parties spin out of control because of douche bags that can't be mature enough not to wreck somebody's house. But honestly I think Megan just demands respect from people and I like that.

I'm walking through the kitchen to fill my cup up outside when someone taps me on my shoulder. I turn around and there's this Puck look a like, mohawk and all, looking me up and down. Just what I needed.

"Can I help you?"

"I'm 100% positive you can help me."

This guy thinks he has game. He has no game.

"Oh yeah? What can I help you with? Finding the door or giving you a bright red slap mark on that pathetic face of yours?"

He takes a step back and acts like he's been shot in the heart. So original.

"Ouch. That hurts. I'm just trying to talk to the most beautiful girl at this party. Any harm in that?"

All of a sudden, Megan shows up beside me with the best Queen Bitch face I've ever seen besides mine.

"Hello, Zack."

His face gets beat red and if I didn't know better, the dude was scared.

"Uh, hi. Hi Megan."

"Can you do me a favor and stop hitting on my new freshman? You're offending her."

She looks at me with a glint in her eye.

"Is he offending you?"

"You know, he is offending me, Megan. He thinks I actually want to talk to him."

I throw my hand over my heart and mock his failed attempt at flirting.

"I see how it is. Have a good night ladies."

Zack is utterly embarrassed and he walks away in shame.

"Okay, _that_ was perfect."

Megan laughs and drags me to the hallway.

"Zack Douglass is maybe one of the biggest assholes at this school. I went out with him sophomore year and he cheated on me every chance he got. I've made it my life's mission to stop him from talking to any girl I see him approach."

"I commend you for that mission."

"Why thank you, Santana. That means a lot."

Our laughter dies out as we hear a huge group of people chanting, "CHUG!" Megan gets an excited look on her face.

"I bet some idiot freshman football player is doing a keg stand outside. Let's go watch him throw up."

So we go through the house and out onto the back porch. Megan drags me behind her to push through the crowd that's huddling around the keg. We get there and my jaw drops. _YOU'RE_ the asshole freshman football player doing the keg stand! Holy shit, Britt!

"Oh my God! Brittany is doing the keg stand?!"

Megan is surprised but I'm really not.

"Yeah. I'm actually not surprised."

I swear you're up there for five fuckin' minutes and when you come down off the keg, you're wiping your mouth and cheering as everyone around you gives you hugs and high fives. Why am I so irrationally proud of you right now?

We make eye contact and you run at me, hopping into my arms and giving me a huge kiss on the lips. Hell yeah, that's my girlfriend, the keg stand champ.

"Did you see me?!"

"Yeah I saw you, you crazy ass!"

You laugh and hop off of me as everyone goes inside. We decide to take a little walk down the block to get some alone time. We're about two houses away when you push me up against a tree and we start sloppily making out. We're both sufficiently drunk at this point so I can't expect anything better.

"Isn't this party like, everything you thought college would be? I feel like Freddie Prinze Jr. should be sitting in our living room."

I laugh at your teen movie reference because it's so true.

"I know, right? I even got hit on by a senior football player before."

Oops. I shouldn't have said that right now because your "drunk jealous" face just came out.

"Excuse me?"

"Don't worry. Please. Megan and I showed him who's boss. It's completely fine."

And then you're "protective tender" face appears and I know it's okay.

"Are you okay? Did he touch you?"

"No, no. Don't even think about it anymore. He was just flirting. No big deal."

"Okay, if you're sure…"

I nod my head and you lean in. This kiss is a lot less sloppy and more loving. My head is swimming and I can't wait for all these kids to leave our house. I just wanna get in bed with you.

"How long you think 'til all of these people leave?"

You hum against my lips while you mull over my question.

"I don't know. Maybe another hour?"

"Way, way too long."

"I know. I just wanna have sex and snuggle."

I laugh at your straight forwardness.

"Same here, Britt. Same here."

We continue making out but neither of us go for more. We're kinda just enjoying each other's company and the silence around us. We take turns giving each other hickies on the backs of our necks so no one can see. It's this game we've played since high school. I love it. You also keep doing that thing where you rub the skin below my belly button with your thumb back and forth. It's not teasing. It's just you wanting to touch me and feel close.

"Wanna go back inside? See how many people are still there?"

I don't even know how long we've been out here but I don't want to make anyone wonder where we are.

"Okay."

Neither of us moves.

"I don't wanna go back. I just wanna be with you right now."

Sometimes change freaks you out. At first you _love_ change because it keeps you on your toes; keeps you agile. But I know that after that change sinks in, you just want to run back to where you were and bask in that before place. It's totally okay, Britt. You don't need to be scared of change. I'll never let us change.

"We can stay out here as long as you want."

You nod and snuggle into my neck with your hands around my waist.

About a half hour later we decide to finally go back inside. Everyone seems to be gone and all the girls are either passed out or cleaning. I guess we should pull our weight.

"Where have you two been?"

Jen's washing some dishes at the sink. She sounds oddly accusing.

"Just took a walk."

She nods her head and looks like she thinks we just had a quickie on the sidewalk. Whatever.

The clutter that's left from the party is cleaned up pretty quick since there's so many of us. We decide to bring back the keg tomorrow and do all the heavy duty mopping and vacuuming in the morning.

You lie down on the couch in the living room and I come to cuddle on top of you with my head on your chest. Your heartbeat and the stroking of your fingers through my hair are slowly lulling me to sleep. There's a weird camera clicking sound and we both look up. Megan stands there with her cell phone above us. She clearly just took a picture of us falling asleep.

"You'll thank me later."

She walks away and my phone vibrates in my back pocket. I take it out and there's a message from Megan. I open up the picture and it's actually adorable.

"Send me it. I wanna make it my background."

You kiss my forehead and close your eyes again. I click through my phone and make it my background, too.

First college party? Perfect.

* * *

**Hey everyone! Again, thanks for reading and keep on reviewing, following, favoriting!**

**I'm sorry if Santana's inner dialog is confusing. I'm trying to get it down because her inner workings interest me to no end.**

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**Thank you and love you all!**


	5. Chapter 5

We made it to bed around 2:30 and I've been lying here. Awake. Ever since. It's now 4:30. Two hours and I haven't even shut my eyes for longer than a wink. We were both too drunk to get into any "extra-curriculars" so you ended up just snuggling into me and passing out. I need a joint. I need to sleep; I have my first college class in the morning.

I slowly slide away from you and off of the bed. Subconsciously you know I'm not there anymore, so you wrap my pillow up in your arms. It's the cutest thing I've ever seen. You have no idea how badly I wish I could just fall asleep in your arms and not worry about anything else. This sucks. Whatever, I'm gonna get high so I guess it's not all bad.

I go into the drawer of my new desk and take out my drug box. Weed, rolling papers, lighter, Adderall and a little baggie of coke. Okay. The coke? You have no clue about. I've only done it a couple of times, but I kinda like it. I did a couple lines at the party last night to sober me up a little bit. Good thing you were wasted and couldn't tell. I feel really guilty about it. I'll stop after this bag is done.

This is a pretty great joint if I do say so myself. I put my drug box away and slip out of our room. I go down the stairs and quietly step out onto the back porch. It's silent and polar opposite from the mad house it was five hours ago. I still can't believe you kicked everyone's ass with that keg stand. You're amazing.

I light the joint and take a long pull. Shit. Trouty Mouth actually gets great weed. Who knew? Speaking of Sammy, I should call him tomorrow. Give him a little update on our lives in Louisville. I miss that kid. I hope McKinley's treating him and the rest of that pack of losers well.

"What are you doing?"

Startled, I twist around towards the door. Fuck. Megan. I'm done. Goodbye, Louisville. Goodbye, Brittany. Goodbye, money from Maribel.

I quickly put the joint out as I struggle to come up with an excuse.

"I'm just kidding."

Megan laughs. She actually laughs at me!

"What's funny?"

She's still laughing. WHAT is happening?

"Light that back up Lopez. I haven't smoked in like, a week."

"You smoke weed?"

"Uh, yeah, who do you think I am? I just threw a fucking kegger the night before classes start."

Megan is now standing next to me waiting on me to re-light the joint. So I do. I take a pull and then pass it to her.

"Good weed, freshman. Where's it from?"

"Home. My friend Sam."

"Nice."

We stand there in silence and finish the joint. Do I go back inside or…?

"I won't tell her."

She gets it. She gets me.

"Thanks. I mean, she knows. But, she doesn't…know."

"No worries. You're secret's safe with me."

A couple more seconds goes by.

"I really like you, Santana. You seem like you've really got your head on straight. You're a really great kid."

Kid? She's only four years older than me. I'm 19.

"Thanks, Megan. But, I'm not really a kid."

She gives me this look that tells me to get the fuck over myself. She's probably right.

"Listen. I know you might feel like an adult and you might want people to treat you like an adult, but it's really not all that great. You need to have fun and relax and make memories while you still have the freedom that comes with being in college. I'm graduating this year and I'm scared shitless."

"No, way. You seem pretty confident to me."

"Good. That's what I want you to think."

Megan's deep. But she's right.

"Why are you so scared?"

"I'm scared because…I'm scared because I don't actually know what I'm doing with my life, yet. I mean, yeah I'm graduating with a degree in communications but that's not guaranteeing me a job. That's not guaranteeing me fulfillment."

"That is scary."

She nods in affirmation.

"Don't get me wrong. Louisville has prepared me for adulthood and it's shaped me into the woman I am today. Just sometimes, I wish I had a little more time to enjoy life and not worry about responsibility."

"I know what you mean."

"Yeah? How so?"

Oh, boy. I barely know this girl. I'm not getting into fucking specifics with you right now, Megan.

"I don't really want to talk about it right now?"

It comes out as a question. I do like Megan. I just don't know if I can trust her yet. She smiles at me like she knows I'm not good at this stuff.

"That's okay, freshman. I'm here whenever you need someone to talk to or to vent to or whatever. I know it must be hard coming to college and living with your girlfriend right away so I'm also here for relationship advice."

"Duly noted."

Megan starts to go back inside when she stops and turns back to me.

"You remind me a lot of myself, Santana. We're both strong, smart, independent women who don't take shit. I respect you, freshman. I hope you can learn to respect me as well."

She ducks inside before I can tell her I do respect her. Megan really just made me feel the most comfortable I've felt since coming to school. That was really cool of her.

I miss you. I'm coming back to bed.

* * *

My eyes are closed. Thank God I fell asleep last night. Wait, what's that? Ohhhh, are those lips I feel on my neck? Opening my eyes reveals that I am right. Those are definitely lips I feel on my neck.

You must sense me waking up because you lift your head and smile up at me. You kiss me firmly on the mouth and bring your entire body on top of me.

"Well, good morning."

"Good morning to you, sleepy head."

You lean down and kiss me again. Morning make out sessions are my favorite. But you know what's even better? Morning sex sessions. And as you rock into me and bring your hands down to the hem of my shirt, I know that's exactly where this is headed.

I let you take my shirt off and throw it to the side. I tug on yours and you comply. Our kisses are pretty hot right now. It must be all that pent up frustration from last night. I do not mind. Not one bit.

"Mmmm I love this."

You moan out that sentence as if I didn't already know.

"Yeah, me too, baby."

We both reach for our shorts at the same time and slide them off in unison. When we're finally completely naked and your skin touches mine, my body is set on fire. I can't stop running my hands up and down your sides and you can't stop kissing all over my chest.

The friction we're creating by just thrusting into each other is not enough and too much all at once.

"Britt."

"Yeah?"

"Touch me."

You moan in want and start to move down my body. Oh my God. Yes. Yes. You haven't done this since like…I don't know a long time. Oh my God I'm so excited.

You place a few kisses right above where I really need you to before you pause. It makes me open my eyes and look down.

"I love you, baby."

And then you're back down. Holy shit. Wow. Oh my God. Jesus Christ this feels good. I can't even control the sounds coming out of my mouth right now. I'm not sorry though. Oh shit, oh God, don't stop.

"Ugh, baby. Don't stop. It feels so good. Don't stop."

You start humming against me and I'm literally seeing stars.

"Jesus, Britt. I'm so close. Don't stop, ugh."

You bring two fingers into the mix and thrust them inside me without warning. I yell out a little louder than I should with 15 other girls in the house but I really don't give a fuck.

"Ah! AH! YES! AHHHHH!"

OH MY GOD, BRITTANY. I haven't come like that in FOREVER.

"Ahhh! Britt! Brittany! Oh my God..."

I'm completely spent as you come up to kiss me. Wow. That was unreal.

"Jesus, Britt. I love you so much."

You giggle.

"I love you, too."

Okay, get your strength back, Lopez. It's her turn.

I pounce on you and put you on your back so quickly you barely register it. You laugh at my anxiousness to please you, but when I stare back at you with a serious look, your laughter dies down and gets replaced with excitement.

I kiss you so deeply. I just wanna get lost in you.

"You feel so good, baby."

All you can do is nod as I drag my hand down into your wetness. God, you're dripping. It's so fucking hot.

"You're perfect. You're so perfect."

I enter you with two fingers and bring my thumb to your clit to draw circles. You cry into my mouth and I swallow it. I want all of you inside me and I want all of me inside you.

"San, I'm so close already."

"I know, baby. I'm gonna make you come so hard."

You moan loudly at that. You love when I talk dirty to you. So do I.

"Make me come, Santana. Make me come."

Why are you so fucking hot?

I add a third finger and start thrusting into you pretty hard. We can just hear the light "thwack" over our moans and heavy breathing.

"I'm gonna fuck you so hard. You better come for me right now. Right now or I'll stop."

"Oh, no! Please don't stop! I'm—I'm almost there!"

Your moans have become high-pitched grunts and I know you're literally right there. I make my voice softer and whisper in your ear.

"I love you, baby. Come for me, please?"

And then you're yelling my name and squeezing my fingers like a vice grip. God, you're so perfect it hurts.

"Oh my God, Santana. Where did that come from?"

"I don't know, Britt. You do crazy shit to me."

You laugh out of pure satisfaction and I can't help but join in.

"Let's just stay in bed all day and sleep."

"That sounds perfect."

I might even be able to sleep after that. I pull you into my hips as you let me be the big spoon for once.

"Sweet dreams, Britt."

I kiss your cheek and hear you mumble something that sounds like "you too".

Okay, I'm about to pass out. That was amazing. I hope no one heard. Who am I kidding? Everyone just heard.

* * *

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**This chapter is kind of a filler but the conversation with Megan was much needed :)**

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	6. Chapter 6

Wait. I have class! What am I doing?!

"Shit, Brittany. I have class this morning!"

"Oh, yeah…"

I turn around and you have that sad puppy dog pout on that just begs to be kissed. So I kiss it.

"I wish I could cuddle but I need to shower quick."

I get out of bed and you start to follow. That will not be conducive to a quick shower. Not at all.

"Oh, no. You cannot come shower with me."

"Why not?"

"We'll end up being in there for a lot longer than I want to be and then I'll be late to class which will just throw off my entire day and then I won't be any good at practice later and the team will hate me and—"

"Okay. I get it. Calm down."

I go off on tangents when I'm stressed out and just think of every single thing that could go wrong. You speak in a soft tone and it does calm me down. You get out of bed and stand in front of me, bringing your hands up to hold my cheeks.

"Go shower and try to relax. You're gonna have a heart attack if you don't stop worrying so much."

You kiss my forehead and leave the room. You're right. I need to calm the fuck down.

After I'm done showering and getting ready, I walk down stairs into the kitchen to get a banana. You're sitting at the kitchen table eating a bowl of oatmeal with Lauren and Jen and another girl on the team.

"Hey, guys."

Lauren and Jen both say "hey" as I walk by.

"What's your first class, Santana?"

Lauren asks a lot of questions. I think she's just a curious person in general. I don't mind. I think she honestly cares about the answers she gets.

"Ummm Psych 101 with Bradley."

"No way! That's Jen's first class!"

You chime in with your cute little excited voice for when things just work out.

"Nice."

I come sit next to you at the table. I give you a kiss and rub my nose on your nose for a little Eskimo kiss. I whisper against your lips.

"Good morning."

You just smile back and give me another peck before you're back to eating your oatmeal. I look up and Jen's staring at us. Maybe she doesn't like PDA. I give her a polite smile and start to peel my banana.

"So, Jen, you wanna walk to class together?"

"Uh, yeah, sure. I guess."

You guess? Bitch we're in the same house going to the same class. We're gonna walk there together.

"We should get going. I want a good seat. My eyes are terrible."

You cough and then mumble something about my glasses.

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

"Mmhmm."

I get up and throw out my banana peel as Jen comes to stand next to me.

"Have a good day at school honey!"

You're doing an awesome imitation of your mom by the way.

"Thanks mom."

"Ew."

I laugh at your reaction and so does Lauren and our other teammate.

"Let's move it Jen Bunny."

"What?"  
"Never mind. Let's go."

* * *

Jen and I have been walking for about five minutes now and she hasn't said a word. I can't figure this girl out. She's gorgeous. I don't understand why she seems to hate herself. And everyone else for that matter. Then again, that was me about a year ago.

"So, you excited for practice later?"

She looks at me like I have fucking 10 heads.

"Ehh."

"Just…ehh?"

She just shrugs her shoulders. Does she not understand how to have a civil conversation?

"Do you have like a boyfriend or whatever?"

Like, I don't want to ask her these kinds of questions, but maybe it'll bring her out of her shell a little bit.

"No. Why? Do I look like I have a boyfriend?"

Okay. Wrong question.

"Uh, no? I was just trying to make conversation."

"Yeah well small talk isn't your specialty."

What is this girl's _problem? _Thank God we're finally at the classroom. I go in first and turn around to see where Jen wants to sit, but she's already made up her mind and gone to the back row of the lecture hall. Cool. I guess that's one friend I won't be making on the team.

* * *

There's a little bench swing on our front porch that we've been gravitating towards for the past week. Its relaxing and quiet and just what we need sometimes.

Right now, I have my arm around your shoulders, your head is in the crook of my neck and our feet are propped up on the railing in front of us.

"I'm in love with this swing."

You love things. You don't like them. You love them. With everything you have. I admire that so much. It's beautiful to watch you pour your heart into things that excite you and free your mind.

"I love _you_."

You giggle at my rare moment of vulnerability and pick your head up to kiss me a couple times.

"Love you, too."

We fall back into a comfortable silence for some time. You're stroking my arm that's around your shoulders and I close my eyes just reveling in the touch. I start thinking and I remember I needed to talk to you about Jen.

"Hey, Britt?"

"Yeah?"

"What do you think of Jen?"

You take a minute to collect your thoughts.

"She's cool. She's a little rough around the edges but I like her."

"You do?"

"Yeah, sure. Why?"

"She was kind of a raging bitch to me when we went to class together the other day."

"What'd she say?"

You have an edge to your voice that only I would hear.

"I was just trying to make small talk with her so I asked her if she had a boyfriend or whatever and she snapped and was like 'No. Do I look like I have a boyfriend?' And then she wouldn't sit with me in class."

"Weird. Maybe she doesn't like people asking her about her love life. I can think of another certain someone who would've said something similar about a year ago."

As you compare me to Jen you tangle our fingers together and squeeze, assuring me that it's okay and that I am a different person than I was a year ago.

"Yeah, I was thinking the same thing actually. I don't know. Like, we're in college living with a bunch of chicks we don't know. Aren't you supposed to be asking questions and getting to know each other?"

"Probably. But everyone's feelings work differently. Give her time. She'll come around."

"I hope so."

Another moment goes on before you pick the conversation back up.

"Wait. You _so_ think Jen's hot!"

You sit up and have a smug grin on your face like you just solved the Rubik's cube called my brain.

"Do not!"

I can't keep secrets from you. Who am I kidding?

"Oh my God! You so do! Oooooo Santana's got a girl crush."

You start poking my stomach and chanting about my girl crush, which tickles and makes me laugh. Great.

"Okay! Okay! Enough!"

You stop tickling me and just hold onto my hips instead. You bring your face right up to mine and I can feel your little puffs of breath against my lips. I really wanna kiss you, but you start talking in this low voice that's not quite a whisper but not quite your normal tone.

"It's okay to have a girl crush, Santana. I know you only have eyes…"

You kiss me long and gently.

"…for me."

You kiss me again and I don't think I've ever agreed with you more.

* * *

**Chapter 6!**

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	7. Chapter 7

**This chapter has a trigger warning for suicide just incase. On that note, enjoy!**

* * *

Three weeks later and we've finally found a formula to this whole school, cheerleading, dating thing. I'll admit, it was tough at first to balance everything, but I think we're handling it pretty well now.

We both decided to take 18 credits so our schedules are pretty fucking packed. Especially when Megan has us doing two a-days every Monday, Wednesday and Thursday. I love the girl but damn! She definitely knows how to put together a conditioning workout. I thought I had abs before. They don't even compare to the washboard set I've been sporting lately. And you love it. I swear, I've never witnessed someone who loves working out as much as you do.

The girls are all fantastic. Our cheer squad is already ranked number three in the country and competition season hasn't even started yet. It's all so exciting. I feel so old. It's too weird. Last week Maribel called to see what my money situation was like and she was so proud I hadn't blown through my bank account. She actually said she was proud of me. The only other times those words have come out of her mouth was at my 2nd grade communion ceremony and when I was graduating high school. I must be doing something right, huh?

Anyway, right now I'm sprawled across our beds with my History textbook in front of me and a yellow highlighter in my left hand. I'm attempting to study while Lauren is on the floor playing some tune on her guitar and writing music. The girl can _write _music. I can't even imagine learning how to do that. Like, she literally writes her own music. It's crazy.

She's actually become one of my best friends here besides Megan. Megan is almost like an older sister that's taken me under her wing. But Lauren is a really fucking great friend. The other night I had to stay in to write a paper because it was due the next morning while you and everyone else went out and partied. I got a call around midnight from Lauren saying you were puking your brains out in the bar's bathroom stall. I panicked and said I would come get you right away but she assured me that you were in great hands. She took care of you and brought you home to me safe and sound around a half hour later.

My poor baby, you mixed tequila and wine. Who does that? When I asked you why you had the need to take seven tequila shots after four glasses of wine you said "the shots looked lonely not being taken". Only you would think shots looked _lonely_.

I wish you were here studying with me instead of being Greatest Daughter of the Year and skyping with your parents downstairs.

"So, how long have you and Britt been together?"

The question is kind of out of the blue but I've gotten pretty used to answering it.

"Since we were five."

I've also gotten used to the looks that are the reaction to my answer. But Lauren doesn't even look at me weird. She just nods her head and looks back down at her music. Does she know a bunch of five year olds that date or something?

"That's not weird to you?"

She looks back up a little bit confused but then realizes that she's the one being confusing here.

"Oh, no. I mean, I'm not surprised is all. You guys are pretty much just extensions of each other. I can barely tell where you start and Britt begins."

She gives a little chuckle at the end like it's amusing to her. I guess it kind of is.

"Is that a bad thing?"

"Not at all! I think you're adorable. You're made for each other."

That makes me smile. Lauren's opinions mean a lot to me.

"Thank God. If you didn't approve I think I would've just walked downstairs and broken it off right here and now."

This makes her laugh pretty hard. I'm hilarious.

"You're an asshole."

Lauren also curses a good amount. I love it.

"Aren't you from Tennessee?"

Lauren nods with a smirk on her face.

"Then how are you so comfortable already around…lesbians? I'm just asking because I know it's a pretty rough area for gay people."

"It's actually not as bad as you'd think. Memphis is a pretty progressive city. It's amazing. You would _love_ it. The whole city revolves around music. You and Britt should come home with me for a weekend. I'll take you guy to this bar by my house that plays amazing live music every Friday night."

"Sounds like a plan."

I've never had a friend like Lauren. Besides you she's the first person I've ever felt comfortable opening up to this quickly. Not even Quinn.

"So what about you? No boyfriend?"

A sad look crosses Lauren's face and she looks back down to her guitar. She starts picking at the strings and avoiding eye contact.

"Actually, my boyfriend passed away about two months ago."

She looks back up and I can tell she's trying to keep her shit together. Jesus, I'm trying to keep my shit together.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry Lauren. I shouldn't have asked."

"No, don't. It's fine. It had to come up sometime."

Shit. Poor Lauren.

"If you don't mind me asking, what happened?"

Her eyes have cast back down to her guitar strings. I watch her lift one hand under her eye and wipe away a stray tear quickly.

"Um. He uh—he killed himself. His mom walked in on him hanging. In his closet."

At the end of her sentence her words start to break and she can't hold her sobs in any longer. I get off the bed, sit down next to her on the floor and pull her into a side hug. I place my hand on her head and stroke while trying to comfort her. That's fucking terrible.

"Shhhh it's okay, let it out. I'm here, I'm here."

I really wish you were here right now. I'm horrible at comforting people. It comes so naturally to you. You always know exactly what to say.

I keep stroking Lauren's hair and hugging her as tight as I can. We're facing away from the door so when I hear it open I don't turn around. But, the next thing I know, you're sitting on the other side of Lauren joining our hug. You look at me worried but I mouth to you that I'll tell you later.

Lauren's crying has dwindled to a few sniffles and body shakes here and there. We're still hugging her when she sits up and separates from us a little bit.

"I'm gonna go take a shower."

She picks up her music and her guitar and turns to leave.

"Thank you guys. Thank you Santana. You're a really great friend."

I can see her start to cry again as she goes to her room and I start to go chase after her and comfort her again, but you place a hand on my forearm telling me to stay. You lift that same hand to my cheek and wipe away a few tears I didn't realize I had shed.

"What was that about? You okay?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine. Just gimme a second."

I need sometime to take this in. One of my new best friends' boyfriends fucking hung themselves in their closet two months before college was starting. I can't even imagine what Lauren's going through right now. Did she love him? Was he the love of her life like you're mine?

I brace myself on my desk and take a couple of deep breaths. I feel you come up behind me and wrap your arms around my waist. What the fuck would I do if you killed yourself? I would die. I wouldn't even have to do anything. My body would just give out because it knew I would never be able to speak to you, see you, hear you, _feel_ you again.

I turn around in your arms and bring both my hands up to cup your face. I kiss you like I've never kissed you before. You somehow understand that I'm in desperate need of you right now so you kiss back just as fiercely. I start pushing you back towards the bed and when your knees hit the mattress you fall back. You're looking up at me like I have complete control of whatever move we make next.

I quickly walk to the door, shut it, lock it and rush back to you. I get on top of you and start kissing you again. It's not as intense this time. I have to realize that you're not gone. You're right here. Underneath me. Putty in my hands at this moment. And it's never felt better.

I sit up, throw my shirt off, shimmy out of my pajama shorts, lie back down on top of you and continue kissing you. I feel you squirming beneath me, trying to get your own clothes off.

"Nuh, uh. Let me."

I whisper against your lips and wait for a nod from you before I tear your shirt and jeans off. I signal for you to move up and put your head on the pillows. You're still looking at me like I have all the control in the world. I think you sense that I need that right now. And you're right.

I need to feel like I have control of something right now. That story threw me with how fragile everything is right now. How fragile you are. How fragile I am. It's too much right now. All I wanna do is make love to you and not think about anything else. So that's what I'm gonna do.

"Are you okay, baby?"

I must've been zoned out for longer than I thought.

"I will be."

I lean back down and immediately start to massage your tongue with mine. I swear we're the best kissers ever. I could straight up just get off from kissing you if I really wanted to.

I reach around your back and unsnap your bra. I slide it off you slowly and throw it away. You reach around me and do the same. I kiss from one shoulder to the other and then from one breast to the other, taking a nipple in my mouth a couple of times and sucking. Your breath hitches and I know you're feeling good.

I slowly kiss down your stomach and bring down your underwear as I kiss all the way down to your ankle and up the other leg. I come all the way back up so we're face to face again and I kiss you deeply. As we're kissing, I drag my left hand down your body and into drenched folds. Your kissing falters as you gasp into my mouth. I start kissing up and down your neck instead and focus on where you need me the most.

I dip one finger inside you and slowly go in and out a couple of times before bringing it back out to circle your clit. The hand you have in my hair tightens every time I hit the spot you love most and I can tell your close. I bring my mouth back to yours and start sucking on your bottom lip. Your moans are getting shorter and higher pitched and my name is being thrown into it now. It's so fucking hot. I need you to look at me when you fall apart.

"Britt. Baby, look at me."

You struggle to open your eyes but you do and you lock onto mine. This time I dip two fingers into you and thrust up. This earns me the most glorious sounding moan in the world so I do it a couple more times. Our eyes are locked as I do it a fourth time and then your squeezing my fingers in rapid succession while you moan out my name.

"Saaaantaaaanaaaaa. Ahhhh. Saaaan."

It's beautiful. You're beautiful, you're perfect. Never leave me.

"I looooove you Santanaaaaa. Wooooow."

"I love you, too."

I slowly take my fingers out of you, wipe them on the sheets and take you in my arms. Your tiny puffs of air hit my neck and moisten the spot you're lips are on. You're drifting off to sleep as I place a kiss to your hair.

"Never leave me, Britt. I love you."

I thought you were out of it, but I guess you're still very much awake. You jerk at what I said and turn to hover over me.

"What did you just say?"

Well now I'm embarrassed. I don't want to say it again.

"Say it. What did you just say?"

You're a little angry now, which is weird.

"I—I just said not to leave…me."

"Why would you ever say that right now?"

I don't know how to react to you when you're pissed off. It never happens.

"Santana, look at me. Why would you say that right now? Does it have to do with Lauren?"

I nod sheepishly and look back down. I really don't want to talk about this right now. I just wanted to fall asleep with you in my arms. You huff with frustration because you know I'm not talking right now.

"We're talking about this tomorrow. Because what we just had was _amazing. _And trust me, leaving you was not even close to being on my mind."

You're speaking so truthfully and honestly that I have to believe you. And the tongue you shove down my throat is also hard not to believe.

"Now go to sleep. We have two a-days tomorrow."

You turn back over and push your butt into my hips. You grab my arm and bring it up to your chest to hold at your heart. I fall asleep feeling ashamed and almost dirty. Why can't I just be happy?

* * *

**Pissed off Brittany. Tisk, tisk Santana.**

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	8. Chapter 8

**So sorry for the wait everyone! I'm going through finals and writing papers and it's insane but I finally got this down. Enjoy!**

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I wake up the next morning and automatically reach out to wrap my arm around your waist. But you're not here. My eyes shoot open and I reach for my phone on the nightstand next to our beds. There's a text message from you: _Went for a run. I'll have coffee ready when you wake up :). _Okay, Britt. Go on a run when we have a work out at three o'clock and a two-a-day tomorrow.

Is this gonna be another one of those times where we have an argument, you tell me we're going to talk about it later, and then never talk about it because you're afraid? 'Cause I am so not down for that right now, Britt. We do need to talk about this. It is important. I want to stop feeling so fucking scared about you all the time. Ugh. Why did Lauren have to tell me about her stupid fucking boyfriend. No, fuck. That's not right. I'm glad she told me. She thinks of me as a friend now that can be trusted. That's a good thing. I can be a friend. I can definitely be a friend.

And I guess it's kinda good that it's getting us to talk about our…shit. My shit. Whatever. It needed to happen sometime. But where are you? You said you'd have coffee. Coffee is no laughing matter. I guess I should call you.

Oh, never mind. Here you are, poking your little head through the door with two coffees in hand.

"Told you I'd have coffee."

"I was just about to call you."

You come over and set the coffees down on our nightstand and take a seat on the beds. With your legs crossed in a pretzel in front of you at the end of the beds, I hand you your coffee and mirror your position. One of us needs to make a move. Wait. You don't even look sweaty.

"Why aren't you sweating?"

This confused look crosses your face. It's fucking adorable.

"I only did like, two miles. We have a workout later."

You say this with a shrug of your shoulders.

"Oh yeah, no big deal. Just two miles."

You roll your eyes without continuing on with the conversation and start to pic at the comforter as a distraction. Okay, so this is all up to me then? Fine.

"I'm sorry about last night. I didn't mean it."

"Yes you did."

"Why would I say I didn't mean it if I did?"

"Uh, because you're you. I'm not stupid, Santana. I know how your brain works."

"Never said you were stupid. Don't you dare put that word in my mouth."

You know I hate it when people call you stupid. That was mean, Britt.

"Okay, sorry. But seriously? Trying to take back a sentence like 'never leave me' right after an amazing emotional experience like we had last night is pretty much impossible."

You're right. Why did I even say it in the first place?

"Okay. So what? I said it. I meant it. I obviously don't want you to leave me. I love you. What's your point?"

I'm trying to sound casual here but it's not fucking working because look at your face.

"Baby, it's me. What's with the walls? Don't be scared."

I take a second to think about what you just said. I know it's you. That's what scares me the most.

"That's just it, Britt. I'm scared _because_ it's you."

You're eyes squint like you're trying to understand my thought process.

"That doesn't make any sense…"

"Maybe not to you because you're such an open person, but me? Do you really not understand how hard it is for me to tell people things? Tell _you_ things? Things like what I'm feeling or what I'm afraid of or what I'm nervous about? It takes everything I have some days just to tell you that I love you. It's not fair, Britt. It's just not fair."

I started tearing up half way through my confession and realized how true the statement I'm making actually is. It's a struggle day in and day out to try and open up and not just run when I think it's easier. You've scooted closer to me now and you're holding one of my hands in yours as my other hand wipes away my tears.

"Can you…try to explain it to me? I always thought I got it. But I guess I don't know you as well as I think I do."

You're voice is timid and hesitant like you think I'm about to chop your head off or something. Of course I'll try to explain it to you.

"I don't know why I'm like this. Maybe because I've never actually witnessed a healthy adult relationship before?"

"Okay. I get that. 'Cause you're dad left when you were…5?"

"Yeah. First grade."

I guess it's not as upsetting if I just get the fuck over it.

"Yeah, so I mean, you're mom had a lot of stuff to take care of besides teaching you like, intimacy. Right?"

"I guess so, yeah."

You nod your head and keep caressing my hand. It's nice. It's calming. Just like you always are. We sit in a comfortable silence for a few moments. You taking in my intimacy issues and fear of being left behind, me trying to get over my issues and fears. But it's not going to happen in a five minute conversation. I'm so fucked up. Why couldn't I just be like you?

"It really takes everything you have to tell me you love me?"

Shit. You sound so hurt, but you're trying to stay up beat to help me. This is one of the toughest conversations I've ever had to have with you.

"Britt, I didn't mean—"

"No, no. It's okay. I just…I just really need you to explain that one to me."

I start to respond but I don't really know how. How do I tell you that you're the first person I've ever even said those three words to? I didn't even tell my mom I loved her until I told you.

I can't talk about it right now, so I shake my head and shrug my shoulders. I'm at an emotional plateau.

"Alright. You don't need to tell me anymore. That was good. I'm proud of you."

You lean in and kiss me so gently. My eyes flutter closed and we stay there for a moment before you pull away.

"I love you, Santana. And I'm not going anywhere."

I nod and kiss you again. I need contact right now. I'm done with feelings for today.

* * *

After our workout is over and we've all thrown up at least once (thanks Megan), we're all in the living room watching a re-run of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. I nabbed the last spot on the couch next to Megan so when you're slow ass came in last you decided to plop down right on top of me. You're lucky I love you.

Lauren hasn't really spoken to me since last night. I feel really bad. Maybe she thinks it was too soon in our friendship and she overstepped her boundaries. I have to talk to her.

"Britt, get up. I need water. My throat is literally the Sahara desert."

You get up to let me go but Megan taps my butt to make me turn around.

"One for me too, please."

She gives me a cheesy fake smile and it makes me laugh.

"You got it."

I walk through the living room and grab Lauren's hand as I pass to drag her with me.

"What are you doing?"

"Just come here."

I drag her into the kitchen and start getting out a couple of glasses.

"You sore from practice?"

This is my attempt at making things less awkward. It sucks.

"Just get it over with, Santana. Tell me I'm fucking weird and. It's fine. I'm annoying, I get it."

"What the hell? No. Okay. Sit down."

Lauren sits down opposite of me at the kitchen island.

"I just wanted to tell you, that, I really do appreciate the fact that you came to me with pretty sensitive information. No one besides Britt has ever really trusted me enough to confide in. And it made me feel important. In this friendship. So thanks."

Why was that so hard to get out?

"You're like my main bitch in this house, Lauren. I got your back homegirl."

Now that was easier.

I turn around to face the fridge and start filling up our glasses with water when I feel someone standing behind me. I turn back around and Lauren's there with unshed tears about to fall out of her eyes. And she hugs me. Like, a really tight desperate hug.

"Thank you, Santana. You're fucking awesome."

"Uh, you're welcome and, I know."

This makes her laugh and she releases the hug.

"Can we get drunk this weekend? I really need a goddamn drink. I feel like a fucking pussy with all this crying lately."

"Um, obviously we can get drunk this weekend. What kind of question is that?"

"Good. And tell Britt to keep her clothes on this time. When she was puking at the bar she took her shirt off and started chanting "my tits are better than yours" to anyone who'd listen."

"Yeah, she tends to strip when she's drunk."

I smirk at the memories I have saved up and get a little lost in them. Lauren snatches a glass out of my hand, feeling much better than a couple minutes ago, and waltzes out of the kitchen. She turns back before watching more housewives.

"Save it for the spank bank slut."

My jaw drops. No one talks to me like that! Well, I guess my best friend does. Wow. I have a best friend that's not my girlfriend. This is very new. But I'm stoked.

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